Birthday feasts…..

My grandmother had a super memory. She remembered everyone’s Birthday. As in most Hindu families, in our family too Birthdays were celebrated according to the nakshatra on Malayalam month. So it would not be the same English date every year. We have to refer the panchangam to find Birthdays.

The number of members were too many, still Ammoomma knew the Birthdays of three or more generations of our family. Almost every day was the birthday of someone in the family. I used to accompany my grandma to Thirunnakara Mahadevar Temple when a Thrimathuram and an Archana was performed on the birthdays. The days started religiously.

If the person is present in the house on that day, a feast would be made. That is the special occasion when one can sit at the head of the line just near Nilavilakku where sadya is first served for Ganapathy.

Everyone should enter the kitchen only after taking bath. Every dish was freshly made without tasting. As Ganapathy was to be served first, we couldn’t test the taste of the preparations. The sweet dish payasam, pappadam and a preparation with curds was a must for every birthday.

Grandma didn’t allow us to wear new clothes on birthdays. The best dress we had we could wear but it should have been washed atleast once. It was one of her beliefs that as new clothes are worn on a dead body it is inauspicious to wear on a birthday. I remember her toothless smile when she explained that to me..She knew she had many beliefs which would not be accepted by the next generations. But it is surprising that many of us who opposed to such beliefs in our young age are following what she taught us.

Everything is served on a plaintain leaf before the lighted lamp [Nilavilakku] kept on a seat made of wood. Water is sprinkled 3 times around this, with this we believe Ganapathy has accepted our offering and only after that anyone is allowed to start eating.

The birthday person has the next seat to Ganapathy in spite of his/her age, young or old. Everyone of us especially we children felt very special on our own birthdays. It was only on such days that we children were allowed to have lunch with elder men, [karanavars] of the family. Even then women were not allowed to sit there.

Grandma would instruct us not to say the word ‘enough’ when lunch was served on our birthday. She believed Brahma would be saying Thathasthu at that time and we would be denied enough food in the future. That is the only day she allowed us to leave a grain of rice or a piece of vegetable when we finish eating. Otherwise she would say Lakshmi can be in the rice you wasted so never waste food.

Morals were taught to us through stories or religious beliefs. I think that is the greatest wealth each member of Kizhakkedathu family possess and still inherit to the next generation.

My Grandma....

Janaki amma, my grandmother was the first girl from our family to study in Baker Memorial School. The first Mission Girls' school was started in Kottayam by Mrs. Fenn and Mrs Baker in 1820 or so. It was probably one of the very first Girls' Schools in India. Girls especially from Hindu, Nair families were not given school education in those days.

Grandma used to tell me how she got the basic education. It was during the British rule that Baker School started. Kizhakkedathu family is one of the reputed Nair families of Kottayam. Kizhakkedathu tharavad, built in 1776, is situated near the school in the heart of the town.

Grandma narrated the story of her education as this…. The British ladies from the school visited each near by houses and explained the importance of education for girls. Thus they came to our joint family. As the men in our family had education they understood the English language. But they were so orthodox and not ready to change their traditional ways of life. Still the determined British ladies didn’t give up hope.

They would come every morning trying to convince the men until they succeeded in taking my grandma to school with them. I’m not sure whether any of her sisters followed her.

Grandma was 11 years old in 1908, when she was picked up by the teachers to school. One day the elders or Karanavars of our family would send her, but the next day they would refuse. But the teachers didn’t lose hope and they would come again to convince the family to educate the girls, and take her to school. This repeated for a long time till grandma became a regular student.

Grandma could get education only for 2 years in the English medium school as she got married at the age of 13. The 2 years learning made her well versed in English. She was an ocean of knowledge, especially on Hindu scriptures and culture. She used to write letters to my children in English at the age of 90. When she passed away in 1994 at the age of 97, she had completed rewriting Ramayan in simple language, as could be understood by small children.